Aliens.

It baffles me how different that we derby girls are treated. Going above and beyond to try and live their lives while saving the universe. There are some though that do not think that we are secret super heroes and actually despise what we do.  The y treat us as though we are nothing and cast stones at things that are shiny and different. They make us feel like the life that we have chosen to live is ridiculous. Obviously, they do not have the fire and passion that we do for the sport. Yes, it takes a certain kind of girl to play roller derby. It very definitely is NOT for everyone.

Case in point, I recently had this same exact situation happen to me. I was made to feel inferior by my workplace and was subsequently "let go" for ridiculous reasons. I thought long and hard about whether I should write about this experience I have had. But I think that it is important to note the story. I will not go into dramatic details, but I will say that the entire time that I was working there, I was treated as though I didn't belong. I tried hard to fit in, greeting everyone and being friendly, but inevitably, I was given the cold shoulder, ignored for almost 7 out of the 8 hours I worked in a day, and made to feel that I was nothing but a body taking up a chair, rather than a human beings with feelings or thoughts. It got so bad that I actually started loathing going to work and developed major stress and anxiety because of it. Work was actually  hurting me. To be let go was probably the best thing that could've happened to me. It has allowed me to be more free with my thoughts and actions and truly be myself- not a shaded, guarded, lonely, and weaker version of me. I now have the opportunity to throw myself into derby more and do all the things that I normally wouldn't be able to do because I normally am working.

I started reading this book called Thank You for Firing Me! by Kitty Martini & Candice Reed and I do believe it is so far changing how I am thinking about things. It is amazing that I now see how simple minded these people were that I was forced to be around for 40 hours a week. My horizons have spanned now because I realize now that they may have been jealous of my lifestyle or scared of it. We derby girls live carefree and do not think about the what if's or tomorrow's. We live fast and free for now... what ever tomorrow will bring, will bring. We think differently. I was so afraid to let my inner me shine there and hid my derby life as though it was a dirty secret.

I tell you now friends, do not let them do this to you. Speak up for yourself. Stand up for your rights and talk about derby as though you are trying to spread a virus. The more that the word gets out, the less other women will be treated as I was treated- not only in the workplace, but in everyday life. We work hard for our bodies and talents playing derby. We sacrifice our minds, bodies, time, money to be a part of this thing. We should have the right to be proud of what we do and be respected as athletes- because that is what we are. Yes, we may have tattoos and piercings and may be a little strange  sometimes- but that doesn't make us aliens.
Derby is here to stay- as long as we keep rolling on. I dream of a time when everyone else in the work realizes this too.

LIFE OUTSIDE THE BOX...

It is amazing stepping outside the world of derby sometimes. It's as though that other world doesn't exist kinda. I was on facebook the other day and ran into a friend of mine that I have not seen in 4 years and haven't really kept in contact with for the last year and a half. It was so good to hear from her, but it was crazy to think that so much time had gone by. Does being in derby mean that you should automatically feel like a jerk for not hanging out with the other side? the "non-derby" side. Cuz I have to be honest, I did feel bad and do feel bad often, but it is not intentional by any means.
I say to myself, 'self? ... you are in love with Roller Derby and therefore you make sacrifices and inside you know that you are connected with something awesome... and so you are gone alot.' then I ponder for a bit and add, ' ... and that is why we do what we do' ... right?

I sit back and think of what I was doing before I started playing derby. It seemed exciting at the time, but it always lacked something... but I could never put my finger on it. It lacked... fire, I guess. I mean, clubbing and promoting and such was great of course. But I needed something with a little more substance than fly by night nights with unnamable strangers having crazy fun and being careless and reckless. Yeah, that was fun sometimes. Shopping and finding the awesomest outfits and accessories was grand. But... after the perfect outfit was constructed, and all the hairs were in place... I ended up standing there in the middle of it all and just... existing. I vowed that I never wanted to go there again.

I now feel as thought I have a purpose for once. I have people that depend on me to be there. I have something that I stand for and represent.. and fight for. I use all of my strange talents to become this something else that was inside me the whole time. It feels so fresh and new, yet comfortable and cozy, and awesome and addicting all at the same time. A new skin that is comfortable.  The hard part I believe is being able to top this feeling. I don't even know if it is possible.

Yes, it has made me different. Better, somehow. More aware of a whole other world that exists parallel to the rest of the world- it travels faster than the rest of everything- so you almost have to be going the same speed in order to see in standing still right next to you. Making everything else around you seem blurry and out of focus is the challenge.
:)

only the names are changed in this broken story .... LOL

the time comes when it seems everything is coming together. all the pieces seem to have come together. it seems so perfect, it is almost a dream of maximum proportions. it appears to you almost in slow motion, offering itself up to you like never before. and then... you break something. it all starts falling apart and tumbling in slow motion right in front of your face. and you can do nothing to stop it.
helpless. that's how you feel. sitting and watching your teammates battle it out without you on the floor is endless torment. you find yourself wishing for sweat running down your back underneath your shirt, aching for your skates, and even weirder still, u actually miss the smell of derby funk on your skin after a hard practice.
the question really here is, what exactly are you supposed ot do or feel like when you are broken and can't play derby? well, normally if it were a leg or an ankle or something, you would not be skating. But if the occasions that you are lucky enough to be broken and skate, that is fabulous! in my case here, i have a fractured wrist and am in a short cast, so i am still able to skate endurance. i go to practice and strap those gorgeous skates on and go around and around and around the outside of the track. building endurance is my key now. since i am not out there burning 10 million calories, i have to do something to keep in shape and keep my legs toned and strong. not to mention, as a jammer... it is essential. otherwise i would be going back to practice in 4 weeks hating life because i can't keep up with the other jammers and would be sincerely winded. a world of suck, for sure.
only 11 more days of this cast crap and it's back in the game for me.
not nearly soon enough.

TO DERBY OR NOT TO DERBY...

After carefully accessing the situation at hand... Derby, I have to think that if I were asked whether or not to play Roller Derby, my infinite answer would be yes! Absolutely I would play. Now, if only I didn't have 3 broken ribs I would be playing. This is not a half in half out type of sport. Either you are 100% in... or you are not.

I can still remember the first time that I got the chance to get onto a practice court and start skating. Hell, I can remember last week when I put my skates back on and got on a rink for the first time in 2 weeks. Slipping my skates on was like heaven and being able to go as fast as I could, for as long as I could was a dream. Never before had I had such freedom. Never before had I felt such a rush. And I will never give that up, not for anything.  I know several girls that feel exactly the same. Some injured, like myself, and some not- all just wanting one thing... to be on the track together and to just ... skate and play derby.

That is exactly what this blog is all about. You may see funny stuff on here and then again, you might see some serious stuff on here. But be assured, it is ALL for the love of derby.