It is amazing stepping outside the world of derby sometimes. It's as though that other world doesn't exist kinda. I was on facebook the other day and ran into a friend of mine that I have not seen in 4 years and haven't really kept in contact with for the last year and a half. It was so good to hear from her, but it was crazy to think that so much time had gone by. Does being in derby mean that you should automatically feel like a jerk for not hanging out with the other side? the "non-derby" side. Cuz I have to be honest, I did feel bad and do feel bad often, but it is not intentional by any means.
I say to myself, 'self? ... you are in love with Roller Derby and therefore you make sacrifices and inside you know that you are connected with something awesome... and so you are gone alot.' then I ponder for a bit and add, ' ... and that is why we do what we do' ... right?
I sit back and think of what I was doing before I started playing derby. It seemed exciting at the time, but it always lacked something... but I could never put my finger on it. It lacked... fire, I guess. I mean, clubbing and promoting and such was great of course. But I needed something with a little more substance than fly by night nights with unnamable strangers having crazy fun and being careless and reckless. Yeah, that was fun sometimes. Shopping and finding the awesomest outfits and accessories was grand. But... after the perfect outfit was constructed, and all the hairs were in place... I ended up standing there in the middle of it all and just... existing. I vowed that I never wanted to go there again.
I now feel as thought I have a purpose for once. I have people that depend on me to be there. I have something that I stand for and represent.. and fight for. I use all of my strange talents to become this something else that was inside me the whole time. It feels so fresh and new, yet comfortable and cozy, and awesome and addicting all at the same time. A new skin that is comfortable. The hard part I believe is being able to top this feeling. I don't even know if it is possible.
Yes, it has made me different. Better, somehow. More aware of a whole other world that exists parallel to the rest of the world- it travels faster than the rest of everything- so you almost have to be going the same speed in order to see in standing still right next to you. Making everything else around you seem blurry and out of focus is the challenge.
:)
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